Montague Dartie’s Enterprise Card

From ghoulies and ghosties, And long-leggedy beasties
And issues that go bump within the night time,
I will ship to ya, Name me (quantity’s on the again)
The title’s Montague Dartie, ’tis quick for Dartie
I’m the One you need if ya wish to Occasion
With wild, soiled Hags and imply, outdated Banshees

rip business cards

Nixies at reductions, Ghosts free of charge
Leprechauns in Six Packs, Somebody get me a Headless Mummy
And If you’ll take that Fantasm, I’ll pay you.

Gallytrots and Imps
Bogies and Nicknevins
Clabbernappers and Corpse lights
Redmen and Whitewomen
You title it and I acquired it
However take care lest you title the Anonymous One,
You may find yourself shedding your soul.

Outdated kinfolk refusing to maneuver, Wealthy ones whom you need ta knock off
Scare the bejeezus out of a Pal or trick a Woman into hugging you out of worry
(Love potions for Women at Granger & Associates at Affordable Charges);

All jobs performed, however Fee up entrance
I do not need no monies, I deal in Recollections
The Hob pays loads for these and he pays in Fairy Gold

Attempt to not feed the Staff and please,
Please do not inform them about labour legal guidelines & Unions
Satisfaction assured, and you should definitely learn the High-quality Print
Otherwise you by no means know what may lurk behind,
Hiding in plain Sight
Ready for an opportunity to tear your throat out
Or simply in search of a spirit’s night time out.


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